The Wrongness of a Perfect Match

Alright, so amidst my reffing exploits this weekend, I came across something that pokes its head out from behind the fabric of normalcy once in a great while: the perfect matcher.

This guy looked like he was straight out o a low-budget white rapper's video. He was wearing the following, all adidas and all perfectly colour (go, Britannia!) coordinated.

Track jacket: Green with some stripes and whatnot, en vouge and pseudo hip-hopish.

Shoes: Adidas superstars with the middle green stripe on the shoes removed! Secondary colour (go, Britannia!) was green, as well. They were so white I had to look away, but I also did that to call a foul or something. I dunno, wasn't that focused.

Hat: Embroidered adidas trefoil logo (old school = awesome?), green of course.

Shirt: Surprise, surprise! Green adidas shirt.

Pants: Don't remember, maybe los jeans.

Anyway, I hate that look. The guy was a walking mannequin which, in theory and practice, scares the shit out of me. Mannequins are in that special creepiness category along with ventriloqist dummies and carnies, and also part-time professional clowns and some magicians. Keep your kids away, don't make extended eye contact and for the love of everything you hold sacred, do not give them a reason to talk to or at you. Yes, some clowns can be drunkards and yell a lot as a result. I know this because my brother parked cars for county fair patrons once.

Maybe it is just me, but wearing stuff that perfectly matches is... perfectly ridiculous! Get it the hell away from me. What's worse is that he probably got the idea from the same mannequin that 100 other pudgy guys with goatees did. Now we're one step away from an army of sameness that could rise up and smoke us in an instant.

Also, I think it'd be awesome if you were allowed to move people. Maybe enforce a set limit so you get around 3 moves per day, but it would be greta nonetheless. Is that even a word? Looks fake, like phone numbers ending in 9000. It would spice up life though.

Example: some guy is taking WAY too long to order a sub at Subway (happened to me today, it sucked). I would be able to throw him to the side and say "sorry sucker, I'm up!" It'd be radical. Oh, and you cannot move someone who just moved you. Another option: shove someone out of your way when trying to refill a beverage! Note: no moves can be used in the same vicinity as liquor. That'd be trouble. Pat kicked Paul down a flight of stairs, and I think it was because Paul was in his way.

Wasn't Zack Morris in high school for like 8 years? He was the original Van Wilder.

~Matthew