In 58 minutes, it will be the one year anniversary of my mother's death. There was a time and place where I never thought even a week would separate me from that event, let alone a calendar year. Time is funny that way. A workday can seem like an eternity, yet an evening out mixing it up can feel as short as a commercial break (though thanks to Tivo, I am slowly forgetting the feeling).
I remember being completely numb and stuck. I liken it to having the same faculties as a baby yet being able to think hoe I do now. A capable mind that is just trapped inside a helpless shell. On the album "Deja Entendu" by Brand New, a certain song has lyrics that put my state of being at that horrible time in words too poetic to be my own:
"Every minute is a mile/ I've never felt so hollow/ I'm an old, abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles"
I suppose no one ever does well to live in the past, but what else can one do when his memories of someone only exist in that place? Life is just so damn fleeting... maybe this is my 1/4 life crisis talking, but I already feel like I've wasted so much of it on trivial things.
In the end, all we have to show for our existence is the way we've affected and changed other people.
~Matt
And yes, smoking kills...
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