Phrase Origins, Part 1 (*click here)

Ok, so Patty Mac gave me the sexy idea to discuss how certain phrases came to be. Of course, there are a shit ton of them used everyday that make absolutely zero sense, so this will be an ongoing dealy-o.

Today's phrase: "It's on the house!"

When taken in a literal sense, "it's on the house" is crazy. When someone says that to you, it sounds as though they are answering a question. The only thing is, no question was asked. Thus, the inventor of the term, we'll call him/her "Crazy Pills" McGee, probably had some issues.

After some intense and thorough research (by the by, thorough is a fun word to type), I've discovered the origin of this catchy and ever-so-trendy terminology. It begins in the Old country...

Back when global warming wasn't even a theory and Galileo was still a household word, people did not have a lot going on. TV didn't exist and even 8-tracks were a few hundred years off. To pass the time, people fought religious wars (unlike today, where we fight for oil and, uh, peace) and watched the fire burn. Sometimes, weird colors were seen like green or blue. Neat.

Anyway, men wore a mich higher percentage of checkered clothing. As sales were high, the merchants who sold these particular items had pretty cramped conditions because, as they were being good entrepreneurs, they produced as many wearables as they could manage. The wooden looms they all used became hot.

If, for some reason, a customer could not find the particular checkered color pattern or weave he desired, it was customary to give the person a discount. However, many ruffians and scoundrels (think Han Solo/ Lando Calrissian types) took advantage of this practice and lied to save money.

Savvy shop keeps were quick to store the items to be sold at a discount out of reach, therefore deterring the hooligans from running their profits into the ground. Here's a typical dialogue exchange:

Shop Keep Tom: Hello, sir! finding everything okay?

Old Country Lando: Erm, no way sir! I want something in a periwinkle with a gray-green blend, horizontal weave and I only wear alpaca and, um, rhinocerous.

Shop Keep Tom: Oh, I see. Ok, well you can have a 24% discount on anything in the section, um, on the house.

Old Country Lando: Say what? My gear is up on the rizzle (or "roof")? (Note: Ebonics are closely tied to late 18th century burgeoisie slang).

Shop Keep Tom: Yes, it's on the house my pizzle (or "pauperish man).

Now, as for how casinos came to be known as "the house" in certain games of chance, like poker or roulette, is the true mystery. Join me next time for "Phrase Origins, Part 2."

~MJH

And yes, this was a pretty bad post. I got kinda bored through the middle and then watching some American Idol with my dad. Man, more people need to be heavily medicated than I thought... why did I pass on psychiatry again?